I'm callin it...

This week was our first week of school. This will be our third year homeschooling, and I feel like a pro now. Haha! NOT!

We settled in very nicely, considering our ages & stages right now. Superman is in 3rd grade. Princess is in 2nd grade. Our spunky 5 year old Monkey is starting Kindergarten.  Then we're doing preschool with the ever-eager ladybug. Should be a great year, if we can get the 2 boys adjusted to a new routine! They're not real... Uh... Go-with-the-flow. 

So yeah, a great year... Except, am I forgetting someone? Oh that's right! Little Man is 20 months. Enough said. Just, enough said. 

After day 1, I was not sure how we would be accomplishing anything. I have yet to homeschool with a toddler boy running around. Ladybug was a toddler when we started, but she's a girl. Anyone with both boys AND girls can tell you: THEY'RE DIFFERENT! She would color, or stack blocks, or let me feed her snacks for almost 2 hours in the mornings. Then, we would take a break and finish up the rest when she took her (very predictable) 3 hour nap. We would even have time to play a game or do a big kid craft before she woke up!

Well, let me tell ya it's not that way this year. My Little Man was my most peaceful, calm & content baby. He is obedient. He is sweet. He rarely cries or acts out of control. He's a very secure baby! Actually, that's a lie... & the problem. He is no longer a baby. He is a VERY busy toddler. 

By the end of day four, Little Man had COMPLETELY disapproved of every single plan I'd had:

Sensory tubs? HAHAHA! He had launched the rice with measuring spoons. He had thrown beans at his sister. He had popped water beads. He had dumped almost an entire bin of rice. And all while smiling, saying "mommy, watch dis!" Sensory tubs + busy toddler boy = a mess. So much mess!

Then we tried busy bags. He's 100% uninterested. Can't peel stickers. Can't match much yet. Doesn't really care. 

I then pulled out toys from our garage shelves that I normally cycle in every few months. That was ok. Not great, but got us through about 30 minutes of math one day. 

So, then I thought maybe the pack-n-play was the solution. "New" toys inside & essentially a prison so he couldn't trash the rest of the house while I was reading history books. Wanna guess how long that lasted? Yep. 10 minutes! 

At one point he had colored on one child's worksheet as he stepped on another child's. They both yelled and he clapped. Then, I got very concerned a little while later. He had walked into the family room to get a train that rolled in there. He found a marker (like a dog who finds the bone he hid). By the time I found him, he looked like the toddler version of "LA Ink"!

Thursday afternoon I scoured the Internet. Surely some homeschooling mother somewhere in the world has figured this out. And guess what? They think they have... They haven't. "Busy bags" they said. 

"Bring out different toys" they said.

"Sensory tubs saved my life" they said. 

You know what one mom said? I can't even believe this. She claims that she lays out a piece of fabric on the floor, puts a few books and toys out, and her 2 year old plays there. He might step to the edge, but he understands there is a line he cannot cross. Really? Really?! Your TWO YEAR OLD behaves better than most 6 year olds. Congratulations. 

So, I'm calling it! I'm calling BS on this whole idea of perfect, scripture-quoting-homeschooling with toddlers who also apparently wear angel wings! Do these children nap til they're 5 too? Oh man...

Here's the real deal. Toddlers are a handful. Homeschooling FOUR different grades, with 2 children that have special needs is hard. I've been up at 5:30am for the past week so I can get some quiet time with The Lord & a shower in before the kiddos get up... I'm exhausted. So lets not all act like its perfect & we love every second. 

I don't. I can't. There was a moment on Thursday when there was very little to enjoy about homeschooling. However, today was better. 

So, my lovely friends... lets drop the fake stuff & get real. And of course:

Here's to Monday!

What I need the world to know

If you've been following my posts, you know we have been walking through a lot of hard stuff with our 5 year old. 

We were told he has ADHD & is on the Autism Spectrum, both of which I have been frantically trying to learn about since that initial doctor visit in April. 

We were already experiencing the external things related with these:

Fits & tantrums

Obsessive behaviors

Exaggerated reactions

Lack of focus

Digestive issues

Social struggles

Extreme anxiety

Sensory overload

The thing I was not prepared for was how it would affect me in a mental and emotional way. 

SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL.

I like to go. I don't sit still. I can't just do nothing! (Ahem, momma has ADHD too, if you haven't noticed) I like to have fun- the park, the zoo, the pool, crafts, and games... 

Most of all, I LOVE parties & events! 

But when my little monkey is having a rough day, sometimes we can't make that t-ball picnic happen. He needs a day off every 2-3 days where we don't go anywhere. On those days he plays by himself, he eats his favorite snacks, he picks what movie to watch at rest time, etc. And if he hasn't had a day off yet this week? You can bet whatever event we are at will not be fun for anyone... Momma in particular. Is it sad? Yep. Especially when it's a cousin's birthday party or a family function, but we have to do what's best for him, no matter who it upsets. 

PEOPLE DON'T ALWAYS GET IT. 

Even the person you would expect to understand, sometimes won't. 

*When your kids are playing and you mention a behavior issue you're dealing with, they're the one that responds with "oh, that's just his age!"  

*When you talk about your child's severe separation anxiety, that family member says "you know, the more you leave them the easier it gets." 

*Or when you tell this mom about your kiddo's social anxiety, she says "Oh... He's not on the spectrum. I think he's just shy!" 

The fact of the matter is, I might just need you to listen. I'm most likely not asking for advice from a parent who's child does NOT have special needs. You only see a part of my child's life, and you certainly do not see the struggles I face each and every day. To say those things, paints me as an over-reactor or that I am imagining these behaviors in my child! Yes, these might seem like normal "kid problems" to you, except for they are EXTREME. They are your child's fits & quirks times ten! FOR EXAMPLE...

My kid doesn't just want to pick his clothes out to be independent. He wears certain clothes bc pants without elastic send him over the edge, bc tags in his shirts make him scratch until he bleeds. I mean, at this very moment my son has had the same shirt on for 3 days bc he is so attached to it that changing said shirt would evoke a monumental meltdown, ending in him not eating the rest of the day because he's gotten so worked up that his stomach hurts! I'm not going to choose that fight. The shirt doesn't smell yet... Maybe I'll attempt it after bath tonight. ;) 

(I'm also learning that mom's often say these things because their child has similar behaviors, but they are TERRIFIED that there could be something "wrong" with their child.)

HE CAN'T "JUST LEARN". 

When I first discussed some of my little monkey's struggles with someone in our life, their reaction was "I realize he's not normal, but he's going to have to just learn that he can't behave like this!"

First of all, I'd like to mention that I ignored the "not normal" comment. I will save that for another day. :)

However, this person was completely unaware of what ASD & ADHD truly are. These are not things you just "get over". Trust me, I've tried my entire life to ignore ADHD. It doesn't just go away without a lot of hard work, many tools, and a huge support system! So we have begun to learn what is appropriate & what is not, but it's going to be a long road. It takes dealing with meltdowns in the same way I do with our 18 month old- patience, positive reinforcement, persistence, and did I mention patience? I understand that not everyone has the grace to do what I'm doing right now. That's why I pray for this person, because in this situation the child in their life DOES have special needs, and punishment for undesired behavior is definitely not the answer. Kids with ASD, in particular, think literally. 

Hitting = hitting. They see no difference in hitting & "spanking". Yelling = yelling. They see no difference in yelling & "raising your voice". 

In addition, these children are very sensitive. They might not seem to be, but they definitely are. They carry hurts & pain just like everyone else, if not more (because they have an AMAZING memory). So, we should be lovingly guiding them, rewarding positive behavior, hugging them when they will allow it, and understanding that it might be 1 step forward- 5 steps back... But it's teaching them nonetheless. 

So please give us grace just as you would want... in church, in the store, at the pool, and at the zoo. 

Please don't be offended if we can't make your birthday party, even if I RSVPed 2 weeks ago. If I text you at the last minute, you probably don't want us there anyway. We're still figuring things out!

Please feel free to pray for our family, and know that sometimes an offer to pray for us is usually more important than unsolicited advice, especially if you've never been down this road before. 

We're learning so much, and growing closer as a family through this journey! I know God has such an amazing plan for our little monkey... just as he does for our other children. I can't wait to see how He uses this for His glory!

GUMBALLS GALORE

Today on my personal facebook page I mentioned something about our 

{Gumball Rewards System}. 

All my mommy friends were thinking... what?! What are you talking about?!

I started to share how we have used GUMBALLS in our beloved FAMILY COLORS to reward our kiddos for good behavior or chores, using positive reinforcement against undesirable behaviors, and then turning that into tracking our allowance at the same time... not to mention using the same gumballs as payment for things like iPad time and rescuing their toys that have been held hostage in "Daddy & Mommy's Ransom Box". 

Interested?! Well, then here we go...

Every Sunday, at the beginning of the week, each kiddo starts with TWENTY gumballs. The rest are in my "jar" (which is really a large, round vase). 

They can earn gumballs for doing great things...

The full list of gumball earnings

However, they can also LOSE gumballs for let's call it "poor" behavior...

"How To Lose Gumballs"

At the end of the week, each gumball left in their jar is worth a NICKEL. 

If they do absolutely nothing, and don't lose anything, they will 

still have their original 20 gumballs. 

That's a dollar! 

However, each child has the potential to get 50 gumballs 

(because that's how many I have in each color)... $2.50!!!

 I don't know how you all do allowance, but $2.50 is a lot for a 5 year old! 

I do feel the need to tell you all, however, that we have not EVER had anyone 

get more than 25 gumballs in a week.

 So, unless you have a particularly perfect child 

(in which case you probably don't need this), 

you most likely will not go broke over this! 

The other part to this, is that the gumballs become currency in our house. 

You want some time on the iPad? Sure! 

1 gumball = 5 minutes

Got a toy taken hostage from mommy because you didn't pick it up? 

See the original idea on pinterest

No biggie! Just pay the ransom money... 

1 gumball = 1 item 

It's really proving to be helpful for our oldest children, in particular. The 3 & 5 year old aren't really earning a lot of extra gumballs right now, but that's just because they haven't quite figured it out. However, they sure do understand that gumballs are MONEY at the end of the week, and they are not happy to lose them! 

So, hopefully that's been helpful to some of you moms (& dads) trying to 

find ways to motiviate your little ones! 

Some days I just let the gumballs work for themselves. Then if I'm feeling really wonderful, 

like today, I might create extra gumball earning opportunities. 

When I took the first picture (above) this morning, our 5 year old had lost 

all but one gumball. 

I want him to have success, so I gave him lots of opportunities 

to do well and earn gumballs.

It works for us! We found what makes them want to do well: 

MONEY!

So, once you find what works... RUN WITH IT!

Mommy Fail

Tonight I had my first major FAIL with our 5 year old since we began this journey.

Let me start at the beginning:

It's 4th of July today. This is one of my favorite holidays. Birthdays are #1, but as far as actual holidays goes... 

1. Christmas & Hannukah

2. 4th of July

3. Valentine's Day

Also, my husband is a huge history buff, which means we love the holiday, but also the meaning behind it all! So, as you can see, it's a big deal to us. 

Every year we go to the big, Independence Day Parade. Our house is on the historic end of town, which means the parade route is at the front of our subdivision. So each year that we've lived at this house we get up early, put on our red, white and blue, and we drive up the street. When our kids are bigger we will probably walk or ride our bikes, but for now driving is best. 

The kids collect stickers from city representatives, candy from Boy Scouts & dance as the marching bands come by. It's perfect! 

Usually after the parade, we head home for lunch. Then the plan is to swim... somewhere! 

After swimming, we BBQ with family and head for the park to watch fireworks. Yes, FIREWORKS! You know, those big booming multicolored explosions? You know, those things that even a calm person can feel in their chest. Right! So, we did that. 

We also forgot the noise-canceling headphones. 

I think you can all imagine what happened from there. Screaming, crying chaos. 

We made it through with his head in my chest & a blanket over his ears, but that little monkey will be enjoying fireworks from the comfort of Grammy's big back window next year. 

Hope you all survived the 4th with your crew! 

Our Incredible Journey

I haven't updated on our {now} 5 year old in some time & I have fantastic news for you all!

So, back in April we received the "diagnosis" of Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder & ADHD. Wow! As you may recall, I was relieved to know what was going on, but SO overwhelmed. 

Well, we've kept up with his digestional supplements, Gluten-free diet,  no dyes, limited processing. It's a lot, to say the least. BUT... We have seen a huge improvement in his digestion as well as behavior! He is having fewer outburts, and we can occasionally talk him down from the small ones. Now, he is not where I feel he should be by any means, but the good news is THERE IS IMPROVEMENT!

In addition to all that the alternative doctor suggested, we have also begun a few other routines:

• An amber necklace to reduce any inflammation in his body. 

• Chamomile drops 3x a day to calm/soothe him both mentally & internally

• A Himalayan salt lamp to combat the charged ions in our home

• Essential oils with various purposes; Lavender was our go-to previously. Now we also use a blend called "peaceful child" at various times during the day, as well as a blend called "balance"(a grounding blend) that we diffuse throughout the night. 

I feel like all these things are helping us to maintain what could become a very difficult situation. We are beginning to see the *light* in his eyes again. We are starting to see his personality return from the neutral state it was in. 

I feel like the biggest leap recently has been socially. He still can't handle large groups of people, but he is playing with other children besides his siblings & 1 best friend for the first time EVER. He's looking into people's faces that he knows as they talk to him. If you have ever met a child like our 5 year old, you know this is a big deal! 

I just feel so blessed that we get to walk through this together as a family! It's brought us all together in a way that I never would have inagined!

Our next step is to conquer the root of his current, aggressive behavior & outbursts. They are not happening as often, but it seems as though they have gotten more intense. Also, the ADHD that I was so surprised about... has become SUPER obvious! So, we are working with our chiropractor, and took a hair strand test last week. In a few more weeks we will have the results regarding hormone levels, body functions, and potential toxicity. I am really looking forward to seeing the results!

Thanks to everyone who has been supporting us & praying for us! Keep it up!! We are gaining ground, but still have a daily battle to face. 

The Best Summer Ever

Tomorrow it will be 1 month since our "summer" officially began. I've been thinking lots about how fun summer should be for a kid. I remember how fun it was when I was a kid. 

My mom always kept us super busy with fun stuff:

Library Day, Pool Day, Movie Night... 

and the rest of the time was spent at camp, outside riding bikes, playing baseball & softball, eating Popsicles, running through the sprinkler...

Summer was the best!

I didn't sit inside on an iPad, or watching Netflix. Haha! They didn't exist! 

After reading this a few weeks ago, I became even more committed to making the most of our summer. 

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/07/how-to-miss-a-childhood/

Childhood only last for a short time! I don't want my children to miss out on the things I remember so fondly!

I'm determined to teach my kids how to do normal childhood things like jump rope, play hopscotch, and skip rocks. I'm sure we will still watch tv shows & play Angry Birds, but the point is that we are consciously making a decision regarding the intent of our free time! 

So I sat down with my kiddos, and we started writing down all the things we wanted to do before school starts in September. They don't know what a "bucket list" is really, so they think it's like a sand bucket. But regardless, here's what we put together:

We also all worked together to make a list of the Top 5 things we wanted to work on this summer: learning to tie shoes, organizing the Legos, no more potty accidents, etc.

We've already checked a bunch of things off our list after only a couple weeks! I can't wait to look back & call this the Best Summer Ever!

What about you all? Do you have a summer list? Share your favorite summer activities & get the conversation going!

Don't BLINK!

My sweet mother sent this to me in a facebook message. She sends me a lot of kind "mommy" posts that might inspire me or make me laugh at the life I lead. Most of the time it works. She found this little tidbit shared by a friend of a friend of a friend, and I really think it captures the true essence of "mommy-hood" as I know it.

I shall not judge my house, my kid’s summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest’s standards.

I shall not measure what I’ve accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I’ve tickled into my kids

I shall say “yes” to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we’re building.

I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they’re already in their pajamas.

I shall not compare myself to other mothers, but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.

I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.

I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.

I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children – out loud, especially in front of my daughter.

I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.

I shall do my best to admit to my people my “unfine” moments.

I shall say “sorry” when sorry is necessary.

I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children’s forgiveness.

I shall make space in my grown up world for goofball moments with my kids.

I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.

I shall model kind words – to kids and grown-ups alike.

I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan – this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.

I shall always make time to encourage new moms.

I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they’ll all be in college.

So, today my dear mommy friends...

Let's build a fort, forget the trash in the van and the unfolded laundry, and tickle that love right into our precious kiddos! And above all else, don't blink!