What I need the world to know

If you've been following my posts, you know we have been walking through a lot of hard stuff with our 5 year old. 

We were told he has ADHD & is on the Autism Spectrum, both of which I have been frantically trying to learn about since that initial doctor visit in April. 

We were already experiencing the external things related with these:

Fits & tantrums

Obsessive behaviors

Exaggerated reactions

Lack of focus

Digestive issues

Social struggles

Extreme anxiety

Sensory overload

The thing I was not prepared for was how it would affect me in a mental and emotional way. 

SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL.

I like to go. I don't sit still. I can't just do nothing! (Ahem, momma has ADHD too, if you haven't noticed) I like to have fun- the park, the zoo, the pool, crafts, and games... 

Most of all, I LOVE parties & events! 

But when my little monkey is having a rough day, sometimes we can't make that t-ball picnic happen. He needs a day off every 2-3 days where we don't go anywhere. On those days he plays by himself, he eats his favorite snacks, he picks what movie to watch at rest time, etc. And if he hasn't had a day off yet this week? You can bet whatever event we are at will not be fun for anyone... Momma in particular. Is it sad? Yep. Especially when it's a cousin's birthday party or a family function, but we have to do what's best for him, no matter who it upsets. 

PEOPLE DON'T ALWAYS GET IT. 

Even the person you would expect to understand, sometimes won't. 

*When your kids are playing and you mention a behavior issue you're dealing with, they're the one that responds with "oh, that's just his age!"  

*When you talk about your child's severe separation anxiety, that family member says "you know, the more you leave them the easier it gets." 

*Or when you tell this mom about your kiddo's social anxiety, she says "Oh... He's not on the spectrum. I think he's just shy!" 

The fact of the matter is, I might just need you to listen. I'm most likely not asking for advice from a parent who's child does NOT have special needs. You only see a part of my child's life, and you certainly do not see the struggles I face each and every day. To say those things, paints me as an over-reactor or that I am imagining these behaviors in my child! Yes, these might seem like normal "kid problems" to you, except for they are EXTREME. They are your child's fits & quirks times ten! FOR EXAMPLE...

My kid doesn't just want to pick his clothes out to be independent. He wears certain clothes bc pants without elastic send him over the edge, bc tags in his shirts make him scratch until he bleeds. I mean, at this very moment my son has had the same shirt on for 3 days bc he is so attached to it that changing said shirt would evoke a monumental meltdown, ending in him not eating the rest of the day because he's gotten so worked up that his stomach hurts! I'm not going to choose that fight. The shirt doesn't smell yet... Maybe I'll attempt it after bath tonight. ;) 

(I'm also learning that mom's often say these things because their child has similar behaviors, but they are TERRIFIED that there could be something "wrong" with their child.)

HE CAN'T "JUST LEARN". 

When I first discussed some of my little monkey's struggles with someone in our life, their reaction was "I realize he's not normal, but he's going to have to just learn that he can't behave like this!"

First of all, I'd like to mention that I ignored the "not normal" comment. I will save that for another day. :)

However, this person was completely unaware of what ASD & ADHD truly are. These are not things you just "get over". Trust me, I've tried my entire life to ignore ADHD. It doesn't just go away without a lot of hard work, many tools, and a huge support system! So we have begun to learn what is appropriate & what is not, but it's going to be a long road. It takes dealing with meltdowns in the same way I do with our 18 month old- patience, positive reinforcement, persistence, and did I mention patience? I understand that not everyone has the grace to do what I'm doing right now. That's why I pray for this person, because in this situation the child in their life DOES have special needs, and punishment for undesired behavior is definitely not the answer. Kids with ASD, in particular, think literally. 

Hitting = hitting. They see no difference in hitting & "spanking". Yelling = yelling. They see no difference in yelling & "raising your voice". 

In addition, these children are very sensitive. They might not seem to be, but they definitely are. They carry hurts & pain just like everyone else, if not more (because they have an AMAZING memory). So, we should be lovingly guiding them, rewarding positive behavior, hugging them when they will allow it, and understanding that it might be 1 step forward- 5 steps back... But it's teaching them nonetheless. 

So please give us grace just as you would want... in church, in the store, at the pool, and at the zoo. 

Please don't be offended if we can't make your birthday party, even if I RSVPed 2 weeks ago. If I text you at the last minute, you probably don't want us there anyway. We're still figuring things out!

Please feel free to pray for our family, and know that sometimes an offer to pray for us is usually more important than unsolicited advice, especially if you've never been down this road before. 

We're learning so much, and growing closer as a family through this journey! I know God has such an amazing plan for our little monkey... just as he does for our other children. I can't wait to see how He uses this for His glory!

Mommy Fail

Tonight I had my first major FAIL with our 5 year old since we began this journey.

Let me start at the beginning:

It's 4th of July today. This is one of my favorite holidays. Birthdays are #1, but as far as actual holidays goes... 

1. Christmas & Hannukah

2. 4th of July

3. Valentine's Day

Also, my husband is a huge history buff, which means we love the holiday, but also the meaning behind it all! So, as you can see, it's a big deal to us. 

Every year we go to the big, Independence Day Parade. Our house is on the historic end of town, which means the parade route is at the front of our subdivision. So each year that we've lived at this house we get up early, put on our red, white and blue, and we drive up the street. When our kids are bigger we will probably walk or ride our bikes, but for now driving is best. 

The kids collect stickers from city representatives, candy from Boy Scouts & dance as the marching bands come by. It's perfect! 

Usually after the parade, we head home for lunch. Then the plan is to swim... somewhere! 

After swimming, we BBQ with family and head for the park to watch fireworks. Yes, FIREWORKS! You know, those big booming multicolored explosions? You know, those things that even a calm person can feel in their chest. Right! So, we did that. 

We also forgot the noise-canceling headphones. 

I think you can all imagine what happened from there. Screaming, crying chaos. 

We made it through with his head in my chest & a blanket over his ears, but that little monkey will be enjoying fireworks from the comfort of Grammy's big back window next year. 

Hope you all survived the 4th with your crew! 

Our Incredible Journey

I haven't updated on our {now} 5 year old in some time & I have fantastic news for you all!

So, back in April we received the "diagnosis" of Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder & ADHD. Wow! As you may recall, I was relieved to know what was going on, but SO overwhelmed. 

Well, we've kept up with his digestional supplements, Gluten-free diet,  no dyes, limited processing. It's a lot, to say the least. BUT... We have seen a huge improvement in his digestion as well as behavior! He is having fewer outburts, and we can occasionally talk him down from the small ones. Now, he is not where I feel he should be by any means, but the good news is THERE IS IMPROVEMENT!

In addition to all that the alternative doctor suggested, we have also begun a few other routines:

• An amber necklace to reduce any inflammation in his body. 

• Chamomile drops 3x a day to calm/soothe him both mentally & internally

• A Himalayan salt lamp to combat the charged ions in our home

• Essential oils with various purposes; Lavender was our go-to previously. Now we also use a blend called "peaceful child" at various times during the day, as well as a blend called "balance"(a grounding blend) that we diffuse throughout the night. 

I feel like all these things are helping us to maintain what could become a very difficult situation. We are beginning to see the *light* in his eyes again. We are starting to see his personality return from the neutral state it was in. 

I feel like the biggest leap recently has been socially. He still can't handle large groups of people, but he is playing with other children besides his siblings & 1 best friend for the first time EVER. He's looking into people's faces that he knows as they talk to him. If you have ever met a child like our 5 year old, you know this is a big deal! 

I just feel so blessed that we get to walk through this together as a family! It's brought us all together in a way that I never would have inagined!

Our next step is to conquer the root of his current, aggressive behavior & outbursts. They are not happening as often, but it seems as though they have gotten more intense. Also, the ADHD that I was so surprised about... has become SUPER obvious! So, we are working with our chiropractor, and took a hair strand test last week. In a few more weeks we will have the results regarding hormone levels, body functions, and potential toxicity. I am really looking forward to seeing the results!

Thanks to everyone who has been supporting us & praying for us! Keep it up!! We are gaining ground, but still have a daily battle to face. 

Where We Are

Today I am writing from the laundry room. It is also the pantry. It is also the room where all the crap hangs out... in many forms... the diaper pail is straight across from me!
Needless to say, I'm feeling quite inspired this morning!

So, last week we were struggling. I was feeling a little hopeless with this new regimen for our 4 year old, finishing up our homeschool year, our 7 year old beginning the craziness of baseball season, working on my childbirth educator certification... the list could go on. These are all things I feel we are supposed to be doing. I was just feeling stretched!

Then Wednesday happened. I can't explain it. Our 4 year old just woke up in a great mood!
That NEVER happens!
He was sweet, patient, kind; the little boy I hadn't seen in quite a while.
It was an amazing day. We had a few little meltdowns, but I was able to talk him through it! I stuck with the normal routine. I didn't push the little things, as usual, like socks or matching clothes. He even ASKED to do school!
Again let me remind you...
THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

I tried not to get my hopes up, but I definitely enjoyed the day.
I was expecting an absolutely awful day on Thursday.
It couldn't happen again...
But it did!!!
Then it happened again on FRIDAY!

Please understand, these are not perfect days. These are not even "normal kid" kinda days. But I can honestly say that he was on HIS best behavior about 75% of the time.
HIS best is all I'm shooting for at this point! Any glimmer of hope is accepted!

Weekends are always rough, especially if there's anything out of the ordinary. This last Saturday we had a birthday party... which I have to always prepare myself for the aftermath. He did really great. His usual 15 minutes at a time with the other kids would be followed by another 15 minutes inside by himself. It was a normal party for him. However, what was also normal for us was the exit. I am so glad we were with friends who understand! haha! We left that party with a moaning 4 year old draped across my shoulder.

Then we had church the next morning...

So I say all of this as a precursor for this morning. Today, no one woke up in a good mood, in particular a little 4 year old I know. 30 minutes ago, I'm in the bathroom with kids screaming outside the door:
"I want juice!" "I want breakfast!"
The 1 year old was chanting my name:
"Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ma-ma!"

It was like before a football game when the players run onto the field... the fog, the lights, the fans chanting their names...
Except I certainly do not get paid like that!

Today, I am getting paid in poopy diapers, time outs, math worksheets, a whole lot of dirty laundry, & hopefully a really big coffee.
No judgements.
It's just where we are!

A very big day...

Yesterday was a big day!

It was the long-awaited appointment for our son with the alternative doctor. 

I stayed up late Sunday night typing up his 3-day food diary, a chronological history of his life including (but not limited to) symptoms, and a page with our main concerns & goals. 

I woke up yesterday morning with a migraine, but brushed it off as best as I could because 

I couldn’t let anything else distract me. 

This day was about my sweet boy.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. We had opinions on a “diagnosis”, but nothing from anyone we actually wanted to work with. This doctor, in our opinion, was the expert on kids behavior disorders & treating them holistically, as opposed to medically. To be going to her and getting what was, in our opinion, the real diagnosis… definitely scary, but exciting.

We sat in her office, talking about his life. When she asked about vaccinations, and I told her about the reactions he had at 2,4,6 months& again at 15 months (the usual DTap, MMR, Chicken Pox) she said… “Wow! Youguys are so lucky he isn’t completely autistic!” 

*Especially considering the antibiotic he was put on at that same 15 month appointment 

for an ear infection. Talk about a compromised immune system!

At one point I was starting to feel really guilty, and I just felt my son lean his head on my shoulder, 

as if to say, “It’s ok mommy”. 

Then she started on what we’ve been doing to deal with the struggles. We took away Gluten, most sugars, all dyes; we give him lavender or an Essential Oils blend called “Peaceful Child” at least 2 or 3 times a day; we give him chamomile drops in his water twice a day. That’s when I started to feel ok.

She was so relieved that we weren’t started from ground zero with him. 

She commended us for going with our gut when we suspected Gluten intolerance. 

She was impressed with our use of oils & herbs. 

She was extremely pleased with the reduced sugars and dyes, 

telling us this is usually shocking news to most parents. 

PHEW! What a relief! 

Sometimes you just need a good pat on the back! Sometimes, as a mom, you need to hear someone other than your husband tell you you’re making the right choices. 

I knew we had been doing good things, but it often felt like just a whirlwind of options that all 

could be right for our son.  

When you’re in the middle of a storm and the rain is blowing sideways, 

it’s hard to tell if you’re umbrella’s working or not… IT’S ALL SO WET! 

So, basically we found out that our umbrellas were working!

What is going on? Well we were right that our son does have Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

He also has ADHD. I was a little shocked by this, because he is not outwardly hyperactive. He has trouble sitting still and is very boisterous, but I know ADHD kids & it didn’t look like my son. 

The way she explained it was genius. 

His ADHD all takes place inside. 

He is never at rest. So much that all his body’s systems are moving at such a fast-paced rate that they aren’t processing things properly. His digestive system is a wreck, because his body is essentially heating up everything as it passes through due to such rapid activity.

We are treating him with herbs, supplements, digestive enzymes & probiotics… right down my alley! 

I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this little guy. 

He is overflowing with potential, and we are just using natural remedies 

to help his body begin to heal it self. 

Our goal is to help him succeed in life, 

with as few struggles as possible…

For now that means I have 4 boxes on my counter dividing his drops & supplements 

by morning, evening, bedtime, mealtimes. 

A little overwhelming, but I am really looking forward to the 

journey we are starting right now!

Keep following Everyday Is Laundry Day for updates on our ASD/ADHD journey…

The Color Blue

Today is my first blog back after the Easter & Passover holidays. I decided I needed a break for a couple weeks. I needed time to re-group.

We have been on this roller-coaster in the past year with our middle son. He is 4 1/2, and has lots of behavioral and social delays on the Autism Spectrum. We are in the very beginning of this process with him. It took me a good 6 months to even use the term "Autism Spectrum Disorder". I felt like if I acknowledged what we were dealing with that I was "labeling" him. I had been carrying around this burden for months, years even; since he first started behaving differently than other kids his age. I felt responsible, almost guilty, for what was happening to my son! There were several moments that I felt had contributed. As parents, it's hard to see your child struggle, and to think that a decision you made could have started it all is often too much. It was for me! The reality though, was that I needed to give it a name. Giving it a name would allow me to start helping him recover.

I truly believe that he will recover. I have already seen changes since we began certain routines. We have kept him on a strictly Gluten-free diet, and noticed a significant difference within about 3 days, then again at 2 weeks. He's still at that same place now, but any little change is a big one when you're walking through this with your child. We have just begun to dive into all the Essential Oils options, and have an appointment with a natural, alternative doctor next week.

I am still hopeful. I look forward to the day that he can walk into a room full of other children and not have an anxiety attack. I can't wait to see him have meaningful relationships someday. Sheesh- I look forward to the first day there's not a screaming meltdown over someone talking to him while he's playing! He will do those things. He will do more!

Today as I am writing this, it is Autism Awareness Day. Last year this day meant nothing. Today, however, I am completely aware. This disorder has become a part of my daily life. The motto for the Autism Awareness Month is "Light It Up Blue". People everywhere are wearing blue, putting blue lightbulbs in, and spreading the word that these children are just as "bright" as every other child... just a different light. It holds a special place in my heart, because my special boy's FAVORITE color, to the point of obsession, is BLUE! How perfect is that?! How perfect is he!

What I Could Have Noticed...

Last week, I was feeling brave. I ventured into the garage for "THE BOXES". These are not just any boxes, it's the {what seems like} 100 plastic bins full of out-of-season clothing. They are perfectly sorted by size and gender. There are boxes of shoes for girls and boys. There are keepsake boxes of things like that special shirt #1 wore every other day (so I could wash it) when he was 3, or the maternity shirt I wore for my 2 last weeks with #3 because I was so big I fit into nothing else. Good memories are in those boxes of onesies and sweet smelling baby clothes. They are some of my favorite memories, in fact.

What I was NOT expecting to find, however, was a pattern. We have been going through a rather difficult season lately with our 4 year old. I have some appointments in the next few weeks to pin-point exactly what is going on, but for now I just know we are dealing with tough stuff! When the words "disorder" are used, it's just plain hard, you know?!

So, back to the BOXES...
I went through the giant, stinky box of boy shoes. I rarely go into this box because for one, it's a pile of disorganized shoes, but also because of the smell. Boys have smelly feet. My special boy #3 had smelly feet as an infant! As I laid them all out in pairs, I began to notice the amount of "Converse" and "Crocs" that were piling up. I had a pair in EVERY size. My oldest didn't wear any of them. It was Mr. 4 Year Old! He will only wear these 2 kinds of shoes! Part of his issue is with clothing: certain pants *hurt* him, he won't wear socks because "they're stabbing" his feet, shirts can NOT have tags, and long sleeves are often an issue as well. You can imagine how fun winter is for us! Haha! In a perfect world, he would wear only a comfy, tagless t-shirt & his underwear 24-7! Unfortunately we can't go out of the house like that...

It just made me sad to see 4 years of this pattern. You might say I am reading too much into it, but for us it's been such a life-changing process we have entered in the past couple months that EVERYTHING is significant lately. All these things are popping up as we realize his whole life, all these little picky things, are related. In one way I feel sad, but I also am excited!

We didn't know how to help him before! But now, as I discover friends who have walked down this road (or roads similar), as I research, as we seek out help... I am finding new ways to connect with my son. I feel like we are getting a brand new relationship through all of this. I am learning so much about him that I was never able to see before!

I can not wait to learn more about him as we continue on this new journey!