Do I wish my house were cleaner? Yes.
Do I wish I could afford to send them to the school I want? Some days.
Do I get tired of the dishes, the laundry, the tantrums & the snot? Absolutely.
Do I regret having a large family?
NEVER!
This was not my plan. I didn't like and/or want babies. I never dreamed about having a bunch of kids.
However, it's become my dream. It's turned into my plan. I've learned that my "plans" are boring. If I can forget about my checklists & goals, I find that God's plans for our family are so much cooler!
Recently my husband and I thought we might be done having babies. In fact, between the special needs, crazy schedules & our 5 kiddos, life was hectic enough! What kind of person finds out their child is on the Autism Spectrum and decides to have another baby?! It's not culturally acceptable! We just had to replace a dryer and a refrigerator. We can't afford another baby anyway! It would be irresponsible. Not to mention, babies grow up. We are barely keeping our heads above water here! This is not the time. We should probably be done.
On Labor Day I attended the Improving Birth Rally in St. Louis with our oldest daughter. The entire time I was surrounded by pregnant moms, new babies, and other birth educators, like myself. I just felt strange. I couldn't put my finger on it!
Maybe I've stayed up late one too many nights this week...
Maybe I need some caffeine...
Maybe I'm coming down with something...
Allergies?...
I got some lunch, headed home, and went up to our room for a minute. Then I had a thought. "Maybe I should take a pregnancy test!" So I did... 2 lines.
I quickly check the package:
2 lines = PREGNANT!
So, I took another: 2 lines... & another: 2 lines... FIVE TESTS LATER, I went to show my husband. He was outside starting the grill for our Labor Day BBQ. I showed him & he says "what are you telling me? Are you pregnant?" I nodded. He asks "So, how accurate are these things?" Haha! We didn't tell a soul.
The rest of the week I took a total of 10 positive pregnancy tests. I had to believe it now...
So, a month later here I am. I am exhausted and starving. We told my parents & doctors, then my 2 best friends (bc momma needed some support). We waited a while, and got a due date from our midwife at our first appointment. Then we told the rest of our families & friends. I announced it at church, then on Facebook this morning.
Normally I tell the news immediately. This time around I just needed more time. I wanted to adjust & feel ok with it all. So, despite hurt feelings, we told people in our order & our time. Unfortunately in the meantime family members were assuming and some hurtful things were said. Even more unfortunate was my hormonal outrage when I found out those things were said.
But now that all of my world knows, I'd like to make it clear:
1. This baby is a blessing.
2. This baby was planned by God.
3. I am trusting God daily for our future, our finances, and my sanity.
4. Comments that point those things out do not help, but only create undue stress on my fragile emotions right now.
Also:
No, we are not trying to beat anyone's record.
No, we do not want to be on tv.
Yes, we know how this happens.
Yes, they all have the same father.
Yes, we know how much college costs.
Yes, our hands are full.
Our hands are full of beautiful, hilarious, brilliant, sweet & wonderful blessings that we get the honor of raising!
So, I am officially announcing to my little blogging world:
Baby #6 is Due May 5 and I could not be more thrilled, nervous & blessed than I am at this moment! :)
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ReplyDeletecongratulations! This is the first time I have read your blog. You should have as many babies as God has in His will for your life. God didn't see fit to give my husband and me the daughter of his dreams, but God's plans are better than our plans. Enjoy your precious gifts as long as you can because they will be gone before you know it.
ReplyDeleteOne lonely empty nest momma,
Donna