At The End Of The Day

If you've read my recent post, you know I'm about 9 1/2 weeks pregnant. The first month was a complete wash, as far as productivity goes. I literally slept, laid on the couch, or ate all day long.

Our homeschool lessons were done on the couch. We were rapidly going through food. I missed 3 playdates. I got behind on birth class preparations. The house was trashed every day by the time my husband got home.

Speaking of my husband... I'd just like to take a moment and brag on him. He's pretty awesome normally, but the second I showed him the positive pregnancy tests he became Super Dad! He doesn't complain if I've had a rough day and the house is a wreck. He said nothing when I didn't get a single load of dishes or laundry done for THREE WEEKS! He just did them, took out the trash, swept the floor, put the kids to bed, or WHATEVER was needed for a FULL three weeks. I'm pretty sure he gets the "Dad Of The Year" award!

So, now where we are at is I'm getting through the mornings. We have breakfast, get dressed, go to appointments, and do school. Lunch time gets a little rough, but I'm only nauseous if my stomach gets empty. We can sometimes squeeze more school in after lunch. However, by 1:30 when those little ones are ready to rest, so is momma. I rest with them on the couch while big kids watch a movie. That gives me a short burst of energy... until 4:00.

Something happens each day at 4. It's almost on the dot! I am suddenly weak, tired, and unable to accomplish anything. Luckily my hubby is usually home around 5 so I just have to make it an hour. Despite my newfound energy (which is hardly anything in comparison to the norm), I am still barely getting anything accomplished!

I've had to re-think my expectations. I've learned to re-evaluate my goals at the end of the day. Because the expectations I had 9 1/2 weeks ago just don't seem nearly as important anymore... Because in 7 months our life will get even crazier... Because my kids deserve their mommy to be "all in", not so focused on all the other things that don't matter in the long run anyway.

These are the things I am committed to right now. These are the things that are important.

1. Our mornings begin with worship and prayer. Even if it's just while I feed the masses their breakfast! It's something we all need.

2. Our days end with worship and prayer. See the trend? I am 100% ok with the fact that I cannot do it on my own right now, and I NEED my God to help me through... we all do!

3. I am making the most of my "couch time". If I'm weak or tired we do things like read a book (sometimes a big kid will read), have "concerts" while the big kids practice piano, or just snuggle with mommy. I don't want to look back on this first trimester and regret the time I haven't spent with my kiddos. I'm paying attention... just from the couch view. :)

4. Remember that the 2nd trimester is right around the corner, and all the projects & things I've put off will eventually get done.

5. Remember that a messy house is the least of my worries. A sink full of dishes is ok for now. The pile of laundry can wait. I have 5 children who are more important and a baby growing inside of me that is requiring my full energy and strength right now. Those are the things that matter... feeding and caring for the 6 children God has blessed me with, even though one is not here yet.

Exciting news!!

We've been blessed with 5 beautiful children. They're physically healthy. They're absolutely hilarious. They're almost always a handful.

Do I wish my house were cleaner? Yes. 

Do I wish I could afford to send them to the school I want? Some days. 

Do I get tired of the dishes, the laundry, the tantrums & the snot? Absolutely. 

Do I regret having a large family?

NEVER!

This was not my plan. I didn't like and/or want babies. I never dreamed about having a bunch of kids. 

However, it's become my dream. It's turned into my plan. I've learned that my "plans" are boring. If I can forget about my checklists & goals, I find that God's plans for our family are so much cooler! 

Recently my husband and I thought we might be done having babies. In fact, between the special needs, crazy schedules & our 5 kiddos, life was hectic enough! What kind of person finds out their child is on the Autism Spectrum and decides to have another baby?! It's not culturally acceptable! We just had to replace a dryer and a refrigerator. We can't afford another baby anyway! It would be irresponsible. Not to mention, babies grow up. We are barely keeping our heads above water here! This is not the time. We should probably be done. 

On Labor Day I attended the Improving Birth Rally in St. Louis with our oldest daughter. The entire time I was surrounded by pregnant moms, new babies, and other birth educators, like myself. I just felt strange. I couldn't put my finger on it! 

Maybe I've stayed up late one too many nights this week...

Maybe I need some caffeine...

Maybe I'm coming down with something...

Allergies?...

I got some lunch, headed home, and went up to our room for a minute. Then I had a thought. "Maybe I should take a pregnancy test!" So I did... 2 lines. 

I quickly check the package: 

2 lines = PREGNANT!

So, I took another: 2 lines... & another: 2 lines... FIVE TESTS LATER, I went to show my husband. He was outside starting the grill for our Labor Day BBQ. I showed him & he says "what are you telling me? Are you pregnant?" I nodded. He asks "So, how accurate are these things?" Haha! We didn't tell a soul. 

The rest of the week I took a total of 10 positive pregnancy tests. I had to believe it now... 

So, a month later here I am. I am exhausted and starving. We told my parents & doctors, then my 2 best friends (bc momma needed some support). We waited a while, and got a due date from our midwife at our first appointment. Then we told the rest of our families & friends. I announced it at church, then on Facebook this morning. 

Normally I tell the news immediately. This time around I just needed more time. I wanted to adjust & feel ok with it all. So, despite hurt feelings, we told people in our order & our time. Unfortunately in the meantime family members were assuming and some hurtful things were said. Even more unfortunate was my hormonal outrage when I found out those things were said. 

But now that all of my world knows, I'd like to make it clear:

1. This baby is a blessing. 

2. This baby was planned by God. 

3. I am trusting God daily for our future, our finances, and my sanity. 

4. Comments that point those things out do not help, but only create undue stress on my fragile emotions right now. 

Also:

No, we are not trying to beat anyone's record. 

No, we do not want to be on tv. 

Yes, we know how this happens. 

Yes, they all have the same father. 

Yes, we know how much college costs. 

Yes, our hands are full.

Our hands are full of beautiful, hilarious, brilliant, sweet & wonderful blessings that we get the honor of raising!

So, I am officially announcing to my little blogging world:

Baby #6 is Due May 5 and I could not be more thrilled, nervous & blessed than I am at this moment! :)