Tight ropes and duct tape

Postpartum depression. 

We all know the term.

According to the website Postpartum Progress,

"Recent research has found that 15% of new moms get postpartum depression, or one in seven.  We know, however, that in women of low socioeconomic status the rate jumps to 25%.  Since approximately 4 million babies are born each year, that would mean at least 600,000 women in the U.S. have PPD annually. We would argue that number is even higher, because there are 6 million clinically recognized pregnancies each year (including live births and pregnancy losses) and we know that women who’ve suffered miscarriages are also at risk of PPD. This means it’s more likely that more than 800,000 women a year get PPD."

It's not just depression either! According to the same website, 

this is a list of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders you should know about:

Postpartum Depression 

Antenatal Depression 

Postpartum Anxiety 

Postpartum OCD 

Postpartum Panic Disorder 

Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress DisorderPostpartum Psychosis

As a birth educator, this is important to me. 

As a mother, this is important to me. 

As human beings, this should be important to all of us. 

Why? 

Well... 

Do you have a mother? 

Do you have a wife or sister or daughter who is or could someday be a mother? 

Do you know anyone, anywhere, who might ever be a mother? 

You do?

GREAT! Then we're all on the same page here. 

MOTHERS ARE IMPORTANT!

So, if mothers are important and babies are important... then why does most of our society de-value the work that it takes to create and birth both of these. Like I said in my birth story... the thing I love about birth is that a baby is not the only thing born. The act of valuing the mothers and families that are also birthed & begun when a baby is born is of utmost importance, and yet our actions are speaking louder than our weak and shallow words.

We say we believe that women deserve paid maternity leave. We say that new moms should rest after having baby. We say that we believe in women's rights.

BUT

What I'm seeing, as an Educator... What I'm seeing as a Doula... What I'm seeing as a new mom...

Is the exact opposite.

Mothers are expected to go back to work at 6 weeks postpartum.

Family members are coming to visit from across the country NOT TO TAKE CARE OF A NEW MOM, but to stay, expecting this mother to cook & entertain.

New fathers are not helping their significant other with the baby throughout the night, resulting in a more exhausted mom the next day, THEN being disgruntled that she's "being emotional".

Meals are not being brought to new mothers following their birth like they used to.

The expectation of a baby sleeping through the night or being on a schedule is looming over new mothers' heads.

There's pressure from magazines and even significant others or family members to lose baby weight quickly and fit back into pre-pregnancy clothing. 

HOW ARE THESE THINGS HONORING THE IMPORTANCE OF MOTHERS?

These things can make a new mom feel like she has a thousand expectations and responsibilities all while trying to care for her baby. It's like someone who has never done it before, juggling while walking across a tight rope. It's impossible and potentially dangerous.

How can we change this? What can we do to help? 

There's a concept taught by the Bradley Method of Childbirth, called the
"Six Needs of a Laboring Woman". 

I have come up with the

FIVE NEEDS OF A POSTPARTUM WOMAN

1. Freedom to feel

New mothers have a hormonal circus going on inside of them. Their hormones just reached heights, during birth, that they will only ever reach again if they have another baby. A breastfeeding mother still has to produce milk and has a quickly shrinking uterus that also requires her endocrine system to work overtime. Oxytocin, in particular, is at its peak during birth and postpartum. 

THIS IS ALL NORMAL AND OKAY!

Let it be okay for mom to be emotional. She will go from happy and laughing to teary-eyed and fragile within moments. 

2. Freedom to rest

When I had my first baby, the nurses just told me "sleep when the baby sleeps and don't over-do it"... that was it. Now that I have had six babies, I know that this advice is the greatest, but often most unattainable advice new moms are given. 

I give all my students & clients the same advice:

Commit to one full week in bed, with your baby. While you're there, you nap, nurse your baby A LOT, read books to or play games with other children, eat healthy meals and snacks, find a new show to watch on Netflix, read a new book, drink tons of water... This is how milk supply is established. This is how you recover. Then, take a week and continue to rest. This doesn't mean in bed all day, but just hanging out & nursing as much and as often as baby would like. During this time, you are not the family chef or the errand runner. You have friends and family that can step in. If you do not, there are postpartum doulas who do just this. After two weeks, I encourage everyone to take weeks 2 through 4 and begin to slowly start doing things, but not overly-strenuous activities like grocery shopping with all your children, going to the zoo, vacuuming, or walking up and down steps all day long. Also steer clear of potentially emotionally strenuous activities such as dealing with your mother-in-law. You are the boss. You know what you can handle. I'm talking to new moms here, but those around you need to give you the chance to heal properly. Postpartum recovery is important NOW and for the future. 

3. Freedom to nurse

I'm going to say very little about this, as I could quickly go off on a tangent. Nursing around the clock is safe, healthy & what comes natural to babies. They need the nutrition often because their tummies are so very tiny in those first weeks. Your nipples need the stimulation to trigger your body to produce milk. Both mom and baby need the oxytocin stimulation produced during breastfeeding. You cannot nurse too often in those first weeks.  Ignore anyone's comments or opinions that suggest otherwise. Your milk supply will benefit greatly from this.

4. Freedom to practice self-care

Moms... YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Baby is too. All too often though, we are so focused on the resting, nursing, eating, drinking, and possibly pumping that we forget to do the important things like shower, take our vitamins, or brush our teeth. If you have a partner, relative or friend willing to hang out with or wear a sleeping baby for you between feedings... take this opportunity to get a quick shower and fix your hair. Heck, maybe even shave your legs! Developing habits of self-care as a new mother is super important! You are definitely worth it!

5. Freedom to make mistakes

Veteran moms... raise your hand if you've ever made a mistake. If we were in a room together, every mother would raise her hand. We are all human. No one is perfect. We all screw up as parents at some point & our children will all be okay. Give yourself some grace to be imperfect, mommas. 

And everyone else, who is watching from the sidelines? Do us all a favor & just keep your opinions to yourself. If she doesn't ask for advice, don't give it. If she seems overwhelmed, ask if you can help, but don't pressure her. Sometimes we need to conquer things for ourselves to prove we can do it. This could be a trip to the grocery store or the first day that our husband goes back to work. If, as an onlooker, you simply cannot help yourself & think you may offer advice from when you had babies... 

by all means use duct tape.

Easton & I, hours after he was born