Regarding Our Worth

Dear friends,

It’s a magical thing, to realize your worth.

As a Christian, I know my worth in Jesus… BUT what I am talking about today, is discovering your worth as a woman. I have many thoughts on this. So, get ready for an ear-full because this has been stirring inside of me for quite some time.

Ladies, we are worth more than petty arguments. 

Sometimes, it is completely acceptable to agree to disagree. We do not need someone to agree with us to validate our choices. If you’ve made a decision for yourself, your child, your family, then do it because you feel like it’s what is best… NOT because that’s what everyone else agrees with or because you want to avoid an argument with your mother in law. We all have different beliefs. We all have different values. We all make choices. My different choices do not make my parents or in-laws bad parents. We all do the best with what we know. My choices do not make you a bad mom. We all have different children and different lifestyles. It is no one else’s choice whether you vaccinate, co-sleep, bottle feed, homeschool, or whatever else you decide to do… And to clear the air… some of us do not enjoy debating and having intense conversations about WHY we choose those things. Personally, I research the crap out of everything, finding legitimate sources, not just mommy bloggers, and when I have finally decided, then there’s no reason to discuss it further. I don’t need to confirm anything with anyone, except my husband… but because I have always liked to talk through things with him. It’s been like that since before we were dating. We are a team. And while I’m on the topic…

The joy of having a husband, who sees us as a team, is that he respects my research and my feelings. He does not tell me I’m not allowed to do things. He does not lord over our family. He leads our family in love, but does not seek to have a house of minions, rather a group of people that work together toward our goals (read: TEAM). He is not the boss, or the principal (homeschool lingo- *insert eye roll), or the disciplinarian. There is no “wait til your father gets home”.

  

Friends, we are worth more than bullying. 

This is something that I did not understand for a very long time. I was under the impression that a bully was someone who beats you up behind the playground after school. A bully was the girl who pushed my brother in the back yard, so I chased her down the street with a wiffel ball bat (true story… don’t mess with my brothers!). I didn’t understand that a bully is someone who makes you feel bad to make them feel better. It is someone who will try to strip away your power so that they feel more powerful. That could turn into physical violence, but I think we all know that the old saying about sticks and stones is a big lie. Words hurt. Words hurt worse than a black eye.  

I was bullied by another girl who made fun of me all through elementary & middle school. She made me feel like I was worthless. She made me feel like if I didn’t do what she said, or acted like she did, or was as boy crazy as she was, that I wouldn’t ever be cool. I wouldn’t even matter. That was a lie. I recently wrote a piece for a friend’s writing project, talking about being bullied by my former OBGYN… in labor. Not ideal. Not ethical, in my opinion. And certainly not anything I’d ever want my daughters to experience. You can read that HERE. He made me feel powerless. That was a lie. Then, a grown woman, who made me feel inferior to her for many reasons unknown to me, bullied me in recent years. I made some errors that she felt the need to point out in a very embarrassing manner. She would give me unsolicited advice that was always worded in the most passive-aggressive way possible. She never wanted to know me. She made me feel stupid. That was a lie. Then there was the individual who always talks down to me. They always act like their responsibilities are greater than mine and their problems are bigger than mine as if to make them seem like a bigger hero when they get through it. If they knew me at all, they would know that this is not my goal. My heart is to encourage, educate, and inspire other moms… NOT get a bigger, shinier medal for my hardships! I am not competitive. Their passive aggressive comments and sarcasm that they thought no one noticed were quite obvious and made me feel like I was wrong for doing things I loved, things I was good at, things I was passionate about. Since when is following your heart and being a good mom looked down on? That was a lie. Why is it that we take these things to heart? Why do we let these bullies determine who we are? No more! You matter. You are strong. You are smart. You are a good mom. 

My new rule: no bullies allowed. 

They are not allowed in my heart, in my thoughts, on my Facebook page, or in my life. I deserve better! 

I am worth more than bullies!

Finally, sisters, we are worth more than mommy wars. 

And you now have my promise to not use that term again. I hate those two words. 

Do you want to know something cool? I have six children. 

They are wonderful, smart, vibrant, adventurous, sweet, kind, loving, passionate, brilliant, and courageous. They are the six most beautiful children I have ever seen. 

I probably do not feel the same way about your kids though. Do you want to know why? 

BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT MY KIDS! 

I was given THESE six children. I was not given your children. I gave birth to the six children that I needed… more importantly, the six children that needed me. They needed my experiences, ideas, and feelings. They needed my hugs, high fives, fist bumps & dance moves. They needed my personality. They needed my strengths. They needed my weaknesses. I needed these things from them as well. No other mother on the face of this planet could raise them like I could. Even on my worst mothering day, I can look at their sweet faces & know that they are mine. Even the ones that don’t look like me are mine. They could even be a different ethnicity or speak a different language. Do you know why? Because our hearts are knitted together. So, why would I think that any other person on the earth has the answer to raising them? Just like I mentioned above, we all have choices. So can we stop making ourselves feel bad about them? The choices I make and the things I do on a daily basis are a reflection of what works for my family. That does not mean if you do it completely different, that you are a bad mom. 

You know what? 

You are an amazing mom… to your kids. You are a perfect mom… to your kids. 

We read and blog and text and tweet and snap all freaking day long. I love research. I love knowledge. I love seeing how other families do things. I even watch the Duggars… BUT the difference? I don’t want to BE the Duggars. I don’t agree with them in many areas, but I can appreciate that they are the best parents for those 19 children and I can be amazed at their family dynamic. Maybe I’ll see something that I can adapt for our family… 

or maybe I can just respect them as parents, even if we disagree.

Moms, we are worth more than what we often reduce ourselves to. We are not just stay at home moms or work at home moms or working moms. We are not just breast or bottle. We are more than housewives who cook and clean all day. We are more than our titles and stereotypes. We are worth more than negative words & passive-aggressive comments. 

We are worth so much more.

I hope we all can remember how smart, talented, beautiful & strong we really are. Girl power is an understatement, ladies! So rock on…

XOXO

Kourtney

These are things I have been observing and walking through lately. I am blessed to have a relationship with Jesus and I can fully embrace forgiveness. Please know that the individuals above, I have forgiven. I am not living my life carrying the weight of that any more. But it was important for me to forgive, and then walk away. To not put myself in a position where they could hurt me with their words any longer. However, I felt like examples were beneficial in this blog post. Please see it in that light. Much love!