Wheels Of Change Are In Motion

We've been homeschooling our kids for four years. I thought it would only be one. I was having my 5th baby & figured we should take some time to adjust. So the plan was to homeschool that year, have a baby in December, get ourselves together & go back to private school the following year. 

Then something happened. I fell in love with homeschooling. The planning, the freedom, the free-range possibilities... not to mention, the amazing feeling of knowing that I taught my child to read. Never mind the fact that she was already teaching herself. Haha! I took all the credit & it felt great!!

Well, now we're another baby, an Autism diagnosis & 2 businesses down the road. It's not as angelic as it used to be. I've found what my limits are as a teacher, a mother, a business woman. I have come to this place where I know what is necessary. I know it cannot continue the way it has been. We survived last year, but barely. When we looked down the road, at all we have coming ahead this next year, Michael & I just did not have peace. 

So, after 4 years of our motto being "one year at a time", we are finally doing it. We registered 3 of our school aged kids for public school. I will have only 3 at home each day. My only homeschooler will be Elias. I'll do preschool here & there with Ezrah. But this means that all these huge goals we have this year for our businesses will have more of my attention. This means saving money on expensive curriculum. This means more of my devotion for my struggling reader. This means time with my 3 boys who need their mommy. 

This also means homework, dinner before 7:00, going to bed on time, finding time to connect with my school kids & the dreaded morning routine that I am just not very good at. 

This means a lot of things, but most of them will be very good. It will be an adjustment. I have to let go of control and trust how I'm raising my kids. That's the hardest part I think. So I'm nervous and excited all at the same time! It feels right even though it also feels challenging. I think most changes like this do. 

So this is it...

Public school here we come...

At The End Of The Day

If you've read my recent post, you know I'm about 9 1/2 weeks pregnant. The first month was a complete wash, as far as productivity goes. I literally slept, laid on the couch, or ate all day long.

Our homeschool lessons were done on the couch. We were rapidly going through food. I missed 3 playdates. I got behind on birth class preparations. The house was trashed every day by the time my husband got home.

Speaking of my husband... I'd just like to take a moment and brag on him. He's pretty awesome normally, but the second I showed him the positive pregnancy tests he became Super Dad! He doesn't complain if I've had a rough day and the house is a wreck. He said nothing when I didn't get a single load of dishes or laundry done for THREE WEEKS! He just did them, took out the trash, swept the floor, put the kids to bed, or WHATEVER was needed for a FULL three weeks. I'm pretty sure he gets the "Dad Of The Year" award!

So, now where we are at is I'm getting through the mornings. We have breakfast, get dressed, go to appointments, and do school. Lunch time gets a little rough, but I'm only nauseous if my stomach gets empty. We can sometimes squeeze more school in after lunch. However, by 1:30 when those little ones are ready to rest, so is momma. I rest with them on the couch while big kids watch a movie. That gives me a short burst of energy... until 4:00.

Something happens each day at 4. It's almost on the dot! I am suddenly weak, tired, and unable to accomplish anything. Luckily my hubby is usually home around 5 so I just have to make it an hour. Despite my newfound energy (which is hardly anything in comparison to the norm), I am still barely getting anything accomplished!

I've had to re-think my expectations. I've learned to re-evaluate my goals at the end of the day. Because the expectations I had 9 1/2 weeks ago just don't seem nearly as important anymore... Because in 7 months our life will get even crazier... Because my kids deserve their mommy to be "all in", not so focused on all the other things that don't matter in the long run anyway.

These are the things I am committed to right now. These are the things that are important.

1. Our mornings begin with worship and prayer. Even if it's just while I feed the masses their breakfast! It's something we all need.

2. Our days end with worship and prayer. See the trend? I am 100% ok with the fact that I cannot do it on my own right now, and I NEED my God to help me through... we all do!

3. I am making the most of my "couch time". If I'm weak or tired we do things like read a book (sometimes a big kid will read), have "concerts" while the big kids practice piano, or just snuggle with mommy. I don't want to look back on this first trimester and regret the time I haven't spent with my kiddos. I'm paying attention... just from the couch view. :)

4. Remember that the 2nd trimester is right around the corner, and all the projects & things I've put off will eventually get done.

5. Remember that a messy house is the least of my worries. A sink full of dishes is ok for now. The pile of laundry can wait. I have 5 children who are more important and a baby growing inside of me that is requiring my full energy and strength right now. Those are the things that matter... feeding and caring for the 6 children God has blessed me with, even though one is not here yet.

I'm callin it...

This week was our first week of school. This will be our third year homeschooling, and I feel like a pro now. Haha! NOT!

We settled in very nicely, considering our ages & stages right now. Superman is in 3rd grade. Princess is in 2nd grade. Our spunky 5 year old Monkey is starting Kindergarten.  Then we're doing preschool with the ever-eager ladybug. Should be a great year, if we can get the 2 boys adjusted to a new routine! They're not real... Uh... Go-with-the-flow. 

So yeah, a great year... Except, am I forgetting someone? Oh that's right! Little Man is 20 months. Enough said. Just, enough said. 

After day 1, I was not sure how we would be accomplishing anything. I have yet to homeschool with a toddler boy running around. Ladybug was a toddler when we started, but she's a girl. Anyone with both boys AND girls can tell you: THEY'RE DIFFERENT! She would color, or stack blocks, or let me feed her snacks for almost 2 hours in the mornings. Then, we would take a break and finish up the rest when she took her (very predictable) 3 hour nap. We would even have time to play a game or do a big kid craft before she woke up!

Well, let me tell ya it's not that way this year. My Little Man was my most peaceful, calm & content baby. He is obedient. He is sweet. He rarely cries or acts out of control. He's a very secure baby! Actually, that's a lie... & the problem. He is no longer a baby. He is a VERY busy toddler. 

By the end of day four, Little Man had COMPLETELY disapproved of every single plan I'd had:

Sensory tubs? HAHAHA! He had launched the rice with measuring spoons. He had thrown beans at his sister. He had popped water beads. He had dumped almost an entire bin of rice. And all while smiling, saying "mommy, watch dis!" Sensory tubs + busy toddler boy = a mess. So much mess!

Then we tried busy bags. He's 100% uninterested. Can't peel stickers. Can't match much yet. Doesn't really care. 

I then pulled out toys from our garage shelves that I normally cycle in every few months. That was ok. Not great, but got us through about 30 minutes of math one day. 

So, then I thought maybe the pack-n-play was the solution. "New" toys inside & essentially a prison so he couldn't trash the rest of the house while I was reading history books. Wanna guess how long that lasted? Yep. 10 minutes! 

At one point he had colored on one child's worksheet as he stepped on another child's. They both yelled and he clapped. Then, I got very concerned a little while later. He had walked into the family room to get a train that rolled in there. He found a marker (like a dog who finds the bone he hid). By the time I found him, he looked like the toddler version of "LA Ink"!

Thursday afternoon I scoured the Internet. Surely some homeschooling mother somewhere in the world has figured this out. And guess what? They think they have... They haven't. "Busy bags" they said. 

"Bring out different toys" they said.

"Sensory tubs saved my life" they said. 

You know what one mom said? I can't even believe this. She claims that she lays out a piece of fabric on the floor, puts a few books and toys out, and her 2 year old plays there. He might step to the edge, but he understands there is a line he cannot cross. Really? Really?! Your TWO YEAR OLD behaves better than most 6 year olds. Congratulations. 

So, I'm calling it! I'm calling BS on this whole idea of perfect, scripture-quoting-homeschooling with toddlers who also apparently wear angel wings! Do these children nap til they're 5 too? Oh man...

Here's the real deal. Toddlers are a handful. Homeschooling FOUR different grades, with 2 children that have special needs is hard. I've been up at 5:30am for the past week so I can get some quiet time with The Lord & a shower in before the kiddos get up... I'm exhausted. So lets not all act like its perfect & we love every second. 

I don't. I can't. There was a moment on Thursday when there was very little to enjoy about homeschooling. However, today was better. 

So, my lovely friends... lets drop the fake stuff & get real. And of course:

Here's to Monday!

Where We Are

Today I am writing from the laundry room. It is also the pantry. It is also the room where all the crap hangs out... in many forms... the diaper pail is straight across from me!
Needless to say, I'm feeling quite inspired this morning!

So, last week we were struggling. I was feeling a little hopeless with this new regimen for our 4 year old, finishing up our homeschool year, our 7 year old beginning the craziness of baseball season, working on my childbirth educator certification... the list could go on. These are all things I feel we are supposed to be doing. I was just feeling stretched!

Then Wednesday happened. I can't explain it. Our 4 year old just woke up in a great mood!
That NEVER happens!
He was sweet, patient, kind; the little boy I hadn't seen in quite a while.
It was an amazing day. We had a few little meltdowns, but I was able to talk him through it! I stuck with the normal routine. I didn't push the little things, as usual, like socks or matching clothes. He even ASKED to do school!
Again let me remind you...
THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

I tried not to get my hopes up, but I definitely enjoyed the day.
I was expecting an absolutely awful day on Thursday.
It couldn't happen again...
But it did!!!
Then it happened again on FRIDAY!

Please understand, these are not perfect days. These are not even "normal kid" kinda days. But I can honestly say that he was on HIS best behavior about 75% of the time.
HIS best is all I'm shooting for at this point! Any glimmer of hope is accepted!

Weekends are always rough, especially if there's anything out of the ordinary. This last Saturday we had a birthday party... which I have to always prepare myself for the aftermath. He did really great. His usual 15 minutes at a time with the other kids would be followed by another 15 minutes inside by himself. It was a normal party for him. However, what was also normal for us was the exit. I am so glad we were with friends who understand! haha! We left that party with a moaning 4 year old draped across my shoulder.

Then we had church the next morning...

So I say all of this as a precursor for this morning. Today, no one woke up in a good mood, in particular a little 4 year old I know. 30 minutes ago, I'm in the bathroom with kids screaming outside the door:
"I want juice!" "I want breakfast!"
The 1 year old was chanting my name:
"Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ma-ma!"

It was like before a football game when the players run onto the field... the fog, the lights, the fans chanting their names...
Except I certainly do not get paid like that!

Today, I am getting paid in poopy diapers, time outs, math worksheets, a whole lot of dirty laundry, & hopefully a really big coffee.
No judgements.
It's just where we are!