A little red ladybug

In 2009 my life had reached a new level of craziness. We had three children age 4 & under. Michael had been promoted, then demoted, and we were still living with my parents. We didn’t really have any friends our own age. Our youngest was a handful, but that doesn’t even begin to explain him. I was overwhelmed. I was constantly looking for something to distract me from my life. I had barely come out of my Post Partum Depression. I had tried 2 different businesses to keep myself from focusing on what was really going on. I wasn’t happy. I was trying to ignore the signs that there was something going on with our son.

Well, in August, we found out that we were pregnant… again. I was really emotional over it all. I knew God would take care of us, but I didn’t know how. I felt so overwhelmed. My husband was my rock though. He said, “I knew we would be soon. It’s going to be okay!” From that point on, he encouraged me daily that God had a plan. His words were what I needed.

We saw our amazing doctor, and this pregnancy was fantastic with no complications. There was never a reason for concern. I was looking to my husband and God for all the affirmation I needed that this pregnancy was special, safe, and in God’s plan. We found out we were having a girl at my 20-week ultrasound. As we searched for names, we chose the one that represented her being placed in our life at the exact time she needed to be. My brother had gotten married in January and they found out they were expecting as well. Our babies would be just 4 months apart. There was so much joy over these two!

As I neared my due date, I had already discussed birth plans with my doctor. I told her I felt like I really wanted to avoid Pitocin. She told me that she thought I could do it without any induction or even an epidural. My labors go so fast on their own that she saw no need to force things. I wasn’t quite on board, but it felt nice to have her support me & believe in me so much. Around 34 weeks, Michael & I were talking in bed one night. In a very sweet, and supportive way, he told me that he thought I was amazing at giving birth. He asked me to consider not having an epidural, and having a natural birth… I laughed.

But the more I looked into it over the next couple days, the more I realized that I probably COULD do it. I began to barely scratch the surface of educating myself on natural birth.

So, at that 36-week appointment, I told my doctor my plans to try for a natural birth. I was pretty sure I would change my mind, but both she & Michael knew I wouldn’t need to. I also found out at that appointment that I was already 3cm dilated! WOW! I had been 1cm since about 34 weeks, so this was big news. I had never dilated on my own this quickly… but baby really shouldn’t come for another 2 weeks! So, I was told to not over-do it & just take it easy that week. 37… 38… 39 weeks rolled around. I was STILL at 3cm. There was an insane amount of pressure from her head pushing down on my cervix. I could hardly walk. So, at 39 weeks I went for my appointment and we discussed what my options were. I was doing all the natural things to induce labor, but it wasn’t helping. We decided to try inducing with the Cervadyl again, even though typically they only use that for moms who haven’t dilated at all. Now, should I have just given it a couple more days… probably. Was I being incredibly impatient & kind of a baby… absolutely. I also realized however that our first 3 children didn’t have red hair, despite Michael’s fire-red head of hair. So, I figured our chances were pretty good that this one might. We requested to be induced on St. Patrick’s Day. Whether or not she came out with red hair, it sure would be fun!

So, on March 17, only 4 days before her due date, we went to the hospital at 8am. When we walked into the room, the nurse apologized because they had a lady bug problem. Someone had cracked the window somewhere and there were ladybugs ALL OVER our room. I kind of liked them though. They gave me the Cervadyl, and it immediately began to work. By lunchtime, my contractions were building into a steady rhythm. Around 11:00 they checked me & I was about 5cm. I was certain that it wouldn’t be long after that. 2 hours later, I was still 5cm. So I had them break my water at 1:30.  I remember sitting there in that bed, laboring away, and a nurse asked me if I wanted to get up and move around to help things speed up… that was like a foreign language to me! The last 2 births, I HAD to be on my back because of an epidural, and with the first 2 I had to for 12 hours because of the Cervadyl. Get up and move around? So, I told her maybe later. Haha! Why? Don’t ask me. There I was, having a baby with no drugs, eating popsicles, and just laying there. We were watching a movie & laughing. The nurses would come in & watch with us. It was no big deal… until around 3:00.

I remember thinking “I’m going to need an epidural soon”, but I thought I would just wait like 30 more minutes. I didn’t say that to Michael, but I sure was convinced that I would be getting one. About 20 minutes later, a nurse said “I’ve been watching the monitors, I think we should check you & see what’s going on”… I was about 9 cm. They called my doctor, and not 5 minutes later I was feeling the urge to push. Everyone came rushing in, the doctor was downstairs & came right up. At 3:46 my sweet girl was born in 3 pushes. I had made it to pushing with our first having no epidural, so the laboring wasn’t unexpected. However, no one told me about “the ring of fire”. There is a moment when baby is crowning & the head is about to be born, and it honestly feels like someone lit your vagina on fire. No one warned me… so that part was unexpected. Haha! BUT I DID IT! I never had to ask for drugs or scream at my husband because it was so painful. I dug down deep and did something I NEVER would have imagined I could do.

She came out with barely a cry. She was so petite & had the sweetest personality. We swaddled her up & she cuddled up like a little bug. Within moments, her nickname was “ladybug”… Our little ladybug with bright red hair. She brought a smile to everyone’s face, and truly still does. Although now it’s that fiery, funny personality that brings a smile. She is quite a little lady.

That birth began something in me. I was a different momma from that point on. I was empowered and believed in myself as a mother. I had never nursed a baby with such ease. It got me started down a path of researching & learning that I had never been interested in before! I now knew that I could make decisions, and tell someone no, if it’s not what is best for my child or me. I had found my voice. I had found my strength. It was only the beginning…