In honor of my very big boy's birthday...
Dear Elias,
4 years ago you came into our lives! My life has never been the same!
I remember feeling nervous. I was so exhausted after weeks of contractions that I wasn't sure I could endure more labor & then care for a demanding newborn! So, I requested to be induced. I'm so sorry I wasn't patient! Your life began with impatience & this is still something both you & I struggle with daily!
Sometimes I think, what if I would have just waited?! Would we have needed all that pitocin? Would he have gotten stuck & his heart rate drop like it did? Would the nurses have had the "c-section" talk in the hallway?
Thank God we've got an eavesdropping, praying Grammy who interceded as soon as she heard the "C word". You came soon after...
It was my longest labor, but the reward is always in sight! I remember your cries like it was yesterday. You were so upset to have people trying to give you oxygen and poking you with things... all you wanted was mommy. I was all you needed!
As soon as you latched on, you latched eyes with me. Since that moment we've shared many looks between us: loving, adoring, frustrated, upset, caring... you & I seem to see into each other.
I often wonder why you do things or what causes you to react. If I'll just look into your eyes, it tells me all I need to know. I'm not just looking in your eyes, I'm looking at your heart.
You see, until you I didn't realize what a mommy's love could do. I didn't know how powerful it was! You were such a good baby, but I think if I had realized this one thing that we would have been so much happier, you & I.
I thought I had to DO something. I thought I had figured it all out. After all, I already had 2... but I felt the need to meet others' expectations with you, so I didn't listen to my heart. You are a special piece to the puzzle- shaped different from your brother & sister, your cousins, or anyone else!
I'm sorry sweet boy. I'm sorry I didn't remember that all you needed was my love. All you needed was me! You didn't need a schedule, or to put yourself to sleep. All you needed was to nurse & cuddle. You would have slept in my arms all day, but I was too busy with my other aspirations to just be with you.
I feel like we've made up for it! We lost a few precious months. I am so glad that God gives second chances. You & I have begun to peer into each other's hearts again & I see those same eyes, looking in adoration, but this time they don't need quite as much.
You've grown so much in 4 years. I love your passion. Never have I seen a boy who cares so deeply for things. Whether its music, or animals, or your brothers or sisters, or whether it's me... you might not always know how to show it, but you love us BIG!
I want you to always remember that deep love. I have it for you also. But more importantly, God has it for you.
He has a plan for that spirited, passionate, awesome personality of yours. You are gonna do amazing things!
There are a few other important things. Four to be exact...
1. Just because you ARE funny, doesn't mean it's always the right time to BE funny.
2. Girls don't like to be growled at, karate chopped, burped at, or most other boy-ish things.
3. Try not to terrify me. I know the little boy in you just aches for adventure, but sometimes I'm concerned.
4. The Bible says you don't need to be afraid... so that includes being afraid of dogs, the dark, leaving me, or anything!!
Happy Birthday my sweet boy! I love you more than you'll ever know!!
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